When You Want Too Much

People say a lot about rich people. They are greedy, they don't care about others, and they only care about making more money.

I hear comments all the time about how the Republicans are only rich people and care about helping corporations become even richer. How the Democrats aren't doing anything to help create jobs, and are letting corporations send their jobs overseas.

Although I am personally not wealthy, I do live in the same community with these people. I consider it a sociology lesson. I study how they behave, what they wear, where they go to school and work. Its amazing, really it is. Are the comments I have read and heard about the rich wrong? Yes...and no.

Everyone is different. There are plenty of poor people who are greedy and selfish. If they had the opportunity to become powerful, to take everything, there are plenty that would.

Recently, life's "little epiphanies" have come to visit again. It rained non-stop last week- and I really mean everyday. I took a day off from work, and it was the one day an opportunity arose. A friend emailed me to let me know they were selling their car, and would I be interested in buying it. Would I?

For those of you who are not aware, I drive a 17-year old rusted Chevy...that I love. But, it is on its last legs. I need a new car, but I do not want one. But, I have no choice but to find something. And now, this opportunity appeared! Hoorah, she is also asking a pretty reasonable price.

BUT, here is where it gets tricky. I have been saving a little money and I was going to use it to go away on vacation for one week. I am not talking anything fancy here, it doesn't even include flying. This would be a one week vacation to a beach about 2 hours away.

I cannot afford both. It is one or the other. The car, or the vacation?

But, gosh darnit, I want both! I really really do. I deserve it. I work hard, and I need a vacation. I don't ever take any days off...ever. Once, a person walked into my office and started complaining about how they had not been on vacation in over 6 months. Are you kidding me lady, 6 months! I haven't had a vacation in two years...how about that?!

I NEED the car, but I WANT the vacation. I feel like life is telling me to do both, but I haven't figured out a way yet. I even asked my parents what they thought, and they think I should just buy the car. They can't loan me the money, my father is ill.

So, it reminds me. Rich people are not the only greedy ones in life. The non-rich can also be a little greedy. I want both. But you can't always get what you want in life. All signs are pointing me to this being the right time to buy this car, so I will. The vacation will just have to wait.

Always Looking In

Do you ever feel like an outsider? I do.

I do not merely feel like an outsider. I am an outsider. Sometimes, I even see my reflection in the window- and its scary. Sometimes I only look in and see the others. They are laughing, smiling, having fun.

The others- they know exactly what they are doing. They know where they fit in and how. They are comfortable in their own skin, even if it might be botoxed and surgeried.

The others- they laugh with confidence in their lives. They are satisfied and pleased with their accomplishments- a marriage, their place at work, the kids they've had.

And I don't know where to begin. Where do I start? I'm so busy trying to get a bite of anything, and yet, I get nothing. No success at work. No success with marriage, or love. No success with anything else that matters.

Does that mean I am a failure at life?

Do What I Say, Not What I Do

Life can be rather confusing. We are talk to do one thing, and yet see people doing differently.

I've always thought maybe I'm a bit autistic. I translate things a bit too literally sometimes. For instance, when a friend tells me to meet them at a cafe at 10am, I actually show up at 10am expecting them to be there too. Instead, when they show up at 10:30am and I am livid, they can't imagine why.

There are other things too. Take for instance the government. With the current argument regarding the debt ceiling, the focus seems to be on the positive- the fact that the country will save $2 Trillion. What few people are discussing is the fact that the country will still be overspending by almost $8 Trillion.

I was always taught to live within my means. Meaning...if I only had $1, then I was eating Ramen for dinner. I never attempted to eat at Balducci's and charge the dinner, only to worry later how I would pay for it. I worry now.

So if we, as Americans, are supposed to live within our means, why isn't the government modeling that type of behavior?

Why aren't parents modeling their behavior if they want their child to be a better person?

Modeling is an important feature in society, and it is often overlooked and undervalued. If we all modeled ourselves better, then society might be a better place someday.

Easier Said Than Done

Often, people tell you exactly the advice you need to hear, not the words you are looking for. You know this truth deep down in your heart, so you don't often want to hear it. But, you need to hear it.

This advice is much easier said than done. I recently read a blog which wrote, "Often we consider an opportunity based on how easy it is. The problem with this analysis is that if it's easy, it's often not worth doing."

Is that how most people choose which direction to go in life, by looking at which path is easier? Probably.

I had my fortune read by a friend yesterday who is adamant about his talent to do such things. The cards tell you the message you need to hear, not the one you are looking for. While I was dying to know if I would win the lottery, find a true love, that's not what I heard. Instead, the cards told me that I need to let go of the past before I can move on to the future.

No kidding. This has been my biggest problem.

Let go. People say these two powerful words to others all the time. One problem...how does one go about doing it? If they knew how, perhaps they would have done it already.

Does living your life like nothing ever happened count? You can't forget about what happened in the past, so you often think about it- but it doesn't stop you from living, doing your work. Does that count?

How does one "let go"? There are no solid directions online...I checked. Sure, there's lots of advice. But nothing substantial that most people haven't tried.

So, how does one really "let go" if they are trying to move on?

Hard Work and No Results- What Then?

Life is funny. We've always been told that if you work hard enough, practice enough, do enough, you will eventually see the results.


But what if you don't?

There are no guarantees after all. What happens if you consistently give something your best effort? What if you try really hard, and its still not good enough?

Some people are ok with giving something a shot, settling for the comforting knowledge that they gave it a shot. While they might have failed though, they took a risk and tried something. They challenged themselves and see their lives better for it.

But others, they cannot accept the failure- cannot accept the thought of not succeeding at something they wanted so much, desired so greatly. Despite all actions, success was not granted.

In these instances of constant work and effort, when do we decide to give up? When is the dream no longer reachable? Does one give up because no results are seen?

When do we decide to pull the trigger on our work?

Where's The Fire?

For some reason, I have been in a hurry my whole life. I remember having an argument with my parents when I was very young. I wanted to buy some candy, and they wouldn't give me the money. In fact, they never gave me any money.

The definition of "allowance" was unknown to my parents. This had never been a part of their culture. Why should they give their children money? If we needed something, we asked. If it were school supplies or clothes, my parents would buy it. But money for doing chores? Not likely. If we didn't do our chores, we got sore butts.

In any case, from a very young age, I developed a very independent streak. I wanted the freedom to buy what I wanted when I wanted, and the freedom to...well...just plain do what I wanted without being told.

In the midst our argument, my father told me that when I found a job and made my own money, I could then buy whatever I liked. It was my money, I had earned it and I could spend it on anything.

OK, deal!

Did I mention this argument took place when I was 9 years old? I clearly remember getting the newspaper, opening up the classifieds section and making some phone calls. (Sometimes I miss my naive, courageous 9-year old self).

My first call was to a hair salon. They were looking to hire a shampoo girl. This, I could do at the age of 9. When I called, I asked to speak with the owner. I mentioned that I was looking to be their shampoo girl. She asked if I had any experience, and unfortunately, I did not. When she asked my age, that didn't go over so well either and she hung up the phone. I did not have much better luck with anything else I saw in the newspaper.

The next day at school, a priest came into our classroom (I went to Catholic School.) He wanted to know if any of the students were interested in working in the Church Rectory after school. I raised my hand so fast, the poor priest had no idea what to think- but there it was. I did it. I had a job!

I met with the Rectory Manager the next day after school and she explained all the job duties. We would have to stuff the Church bulletins with the inserts for that week. Also, a cook would come in every evening to prepare dinner for the priests and any guests they were hosting. We would have to serve them dinner, then clean up the table and load the dishwasher. We also had to answer the Rectory's phone and take messages.

Every Wednesday was a half day at our school. On this day, instead of working at the Rectory, we worked with the nuns in the Religion School. Here, we helped them file paperwork and make copies. Also, the teachers who taught CCD would bring in their children while they taught class and we would play games with them.

Once a week we were paid in small orange envelopes. It was the best day of the week! I started off making $3.00 per week and eventually got a raise to $3.50. I was so happy!

My parents were very supportive. They felt I was getting a great learning experience and maturing. Looking back, I definitely agree and have no regrets. I had the freedom to run down the block with my friend to the local candy store and buy whatever I wanted- and I didn't have to ask anyone for the money!

While many people might think its wrong to start working so early, I appreciated it. But I was always in such a hurry to finish things quickly. I graduated from High School at the age of 16 because I started school early. I graduated college in 3 years because I was in such a hurry to get my degree. Now, I look back and wonder why I was in such a hurry? I realize that I never really experienced many things because I was too busy thinking of ways to take shortcuts or bypass something so that I could get to the end of it.

That's the way life is today for many people too. Few people stop to smell the roses. Few people slow down to appreciate the experience and the ride, and instead focus on the finish line and the end game.

What Are Little Epiphanies?

Many High School's are now celebrating graduations. High School seniors around the country are celebrating their freedom. No more teachers, no more books...until college anyway.

I clearly remember my high school graduation. I fondly remember it as one of the best days of my life. I don't have too many fond memories, but it was my first real experience with an epiphany.

My High School graduation was held on the football field of my school, under a tent. It was one of the hottest days of the year. People were sweating, the graduates were sweating. Imagine being under gowns in a hot baking sun. (Not all of us were beneficial enough to get a chair under the tent. My seat was just outside it in full sun.) I also got a bad sunburn to go along with my new diploma.

We had rehearsed where we were all walking the day before, and all of us just wanted this to be over already. We were seated in alphabetical order- which meant that none of my friends were seated by me. When they finally announced a congratulations to the class, everyone threw their graduation hats up in the air.

And that's when it happened. It was like time suddenly went slower. Everything was in slow motion. I looked around and everyone was hugging each other. I didn't hug anyone because my friends were too far away. And a thought hit me. It will always be like this. I will be looking at others, sharing the joy with them but never really fully experiencing it myself. And I just accepted it as truth. It was a comforting epiphany, not a terrible one. It's just the way it is.

I looked at it like a sign- a warning that I should prepare myself for a life like that. I was not depressed or frightened by this little epiphany, I actually felt blessed for the sign.

I felt it to be true and I wasn't scared. I've never told anyone what I experienced that day. Its still hard finding the words to describe the actual experience, and I'm not convinced that I have done a good job of it now. But life seems to be filled with these little moments of clarity, and I am still in awe of them.

I appreciate them, I usually look forward to them. But mostly, I accept them.